


At What Cost?

by guardianrose5



Category: X Company (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Heavy Angst, Self-Destruction, Spies & Secret Agents, Undercover Missions, post 3.07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:49:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9906626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guardianrose5/pseuds/guardianrose5
Summary: Aurora feels herself falling apart, but cannot and will not let anyone see it.





	

Aurora's point of view: 

Blood. 

'What - do you want me to say it?'

A gunshot. 

'Want me to say that I'm a monster, is that it?'

More blood. 

'You're hands aren't clean either.'

Repeat. 

This is what I keep living, over and over again. Never mind the fear in the eyes of the innocent man I killed - that part never goes away, not even for a second. 

(I had no choice.) 

But, didn't I? 

Couldn't I have decided that this was going too far? Have come up with some weak excuse of being made sick at the sight of blood? 

(Turned around and taken down as many of those bastards as I could, before they shot me?) 

No.

Anything for the mission, that's why I'm here - why we're all here.

But it's getting harder and harder to convince myself. How much more of who I am - of my humanity, will I need to sacrifice before it's over? How many more people have to die, before this war is finally won?

I wasn't exaggerating when I told Alfred I felt like I couldn't escape Helene Bauer.

Honestly, I've felt myself breaking for a while now - another crack each and everyday, for every horrible act I commit for the sake of the greater good. But this is easily the worst thing I've ever done. 

It's why when Alfred asked, I couldn't tell him - I couldn't bear to see the judgement and disappointment in his eyes.  
It's why I wanted to hurt someone like me, and why I could think of no better person for that, than Faber - just the latest in the long line of mistakes I've made recently.

Yet it's also why I can't give up. 

Because as sick to my stomach as I feel, and as much I want to lie down and never get back up, I can't let what I've done be for nothing.  
Now there really is no choice. 

I have to keep going.

No matter the personal cost.


End file.
